i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
