I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
