Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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