if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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