I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
