She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
