butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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