I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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