so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
