dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
