i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
