meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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