he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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