I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
