I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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