honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
