now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
