I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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