I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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