OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Why are your pants in the freezer?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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