i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
