My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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