yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
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