I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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