I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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