He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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