you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
