Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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