i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
