You just made me feel so damn special
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
