i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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