she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i came on her dog
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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