it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
