yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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