I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's blow job season.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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