Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
