My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
