the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
