I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
