Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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