the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
