Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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