Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
