btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
