just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I came so hard my ears popped.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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