accomplished twins. life is a go
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
