My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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