Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
