HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize