Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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