Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
