why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
