Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize