i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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