so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
