then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
