Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
