How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Im part way to drunk.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
