Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
