If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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