Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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