I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
