Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
