Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
