Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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