I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
That reminds me...we need to get swords
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
