you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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