My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
