Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
