Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Terrible idea I love it
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
