I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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