how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize