Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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