Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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